Trickster amongst the Samoleans

One hot summer Trickster decided that farming was far too hot and tiring, so he summoned his sons and daughters and told them, “Tend to my farm, I have to leave for important business in a far off village.” And they tended to his farm, and he left for a far off village.

Now Trickster’s only business in his travels was trying to meet as many pretty ladies as possible and get by with as little work as possible. And Trickster considered this very important business indeed.

So Trickster wandered and wandered, and eventually found himself in the land of the Samoleans. Let me tell you a little about the Samoleans:

The Samoleans were great thinkers and valued truth, insight, and honesty above all other virtues. They maintained a great library of knowledge and travelled far and wide seeking out the greatest works on mathematics, astrology, engineering, history, and many other subjects. As a result of their great knowledge, the Samoleans were sought after as advisors on projects and ventures of all kinds. Even mighty Kings would consult the Samoleans before waging war, such was their perspicuity and wisdom.

To maintain their tremendous reputation, the King of the Samoleans enforced strict rules about consulting. By his law, Samoleans had to attend school and further their studies in the great libraries until they were married and had children to take care of. Any Samolean wishing to offer consultative services had to pass rigorous tests designed to ensure that they were qualified to provide advice on their chosen subject. Samoleans themselves sought each other out and happily paid for advice and consultations before making any decision.

Now Trickster found this very interesting. He also found the beauty of the Samolean women very interesting. How could he meet these women? He hit upon a plan.

One morning, just outside the Great Samolean Library, Trickster sat himself cross legged in his finest robes and announced to all that passed that he was offering consultation on matters of the heart.

“Come one, come all. Accurate predictions of your happiness! Will you meet the one you love? Will you find happiness in marriage? Trickster knows all, Trickster sees all. Modest fees!”

Such was the confidence in his voice that he soon had Samoleans lined up to seek his advice. They were so eager, none thought to question his credentials. After all, this was the land of the Samoleans! All who gave advice were wise!

Trickster had very little difficulty telling the Samoleans what they wanted to hear. To an old women, he promised a youthful suitor. To a young and studious man, he promised a breathtaking bride who was longing for a man of intelligence. To a lonely widower, he promised a youthful bride eager to start a family. But to each comely woman who sought him out, he took especial care to tell them they would meet a mysterious sage from a far off land. By the end of the day, he had six promising leads on single women!

As he was preparing to finish up his first day, he was practically dancing with excitement. Why, after a few days, a week at the most, he would have twenty or thirty women to court. And more than enough money for gifts and high living. What a fantastic scheme, and how lucky to be in a land where people paid good money for “advice”, all because they thought that anyone who gives advice must give good advice.

Trickster was so busy congratulating himself that he did not notice the King’s Soldiers until they had firmly grasped him by his limbs and started to carry him off.

Despite his cries, entreaties, and scolding, he was taken to the King’s palace and chained to a large stone. As they finished chaining him, a robed functionary read a series of arcane and unintelligible legal dictates from an ornate tome. “The King of the Samoleans will render justice in a week’s time” was the only phrase Trickster understood.

Trickster was in a bad fix. The Samoleans fed him scraps and water, but for an entire week he remained chained to the stone. When he was finally taken to the King, he was hungry and sore from crouching.

The King’s Court

The King of the Samoleans presided over a court in a wing of his palace. Every surface of wall was adorned with writings in languages from around the world. Tables were piled high with legal tomes.

Functionaries and officers of the court wore robes and head cloths adorned with symbols and characters. The King sat on a stool on a raised dais, his slippered feet resting on rich carpets. He gestured with a horse tail as he spoke.

“So!” thundered the King, “you took advantage of my people and offered fraudulent forecasts and worthless advice!” Trickster stammered a protest, but the King silenced him with a shake of the tail. “Not another lying word, miserable Sophist! You foul our presence with your prevarications!” Trickster swallowed nervously.

“Clearly,” continued the King, “you should be put to death, painfully and publicly, as a sign of our displeasure with those who would take short cuts with knowledge. This would be to the benefit of our great and learned society, as it would remind our subjects of the importance of honesty and accuracy in all things.”

“We are a fair judge. Have you any counter suggestion to offer? Be brief!” Trickster summoned his wits, he knew this was his chance.

“Wise King, Omniscient Monarch,” he flattered, “Death? Punishment? There has been some mistake (although surely not by your bibliophilatilic self). I admit I am not an artium magister, like your most Learned Majesty, but that does not mean my advice was not sound or that my predictions were not accurate. Only a week has passed since my imprisonment. Can any of these multarum literatti prove that my predictions are necessarily false?”

The Verdict

The King considered this for a moment, then handed down his ruling. “Your point is not sufficient to earn your release. Your cleverly worded ‘predictions’ may never come true, yet are vague enough to be difficult to prove false until such time as all in this room are long dead (especially yourself!), however I will consider it in mitigation. You have the opportunity to demonstrate your power of prediction.”

“You are to make a prediction that can be checked within the hour. If you cannot prove your prediction is correct, you will be executed immediately. If you can prove your prediction is correct to my satisfaction, I will mete some lesser punishment of my choice, such as branding, flogging, or a lifetime quarrying heavy rocks for the construction of our new library. I will make my choice by the time the hour has passed. I have spoken!”

Trickster looked around the room, but there was no sign of pity, no opportunity to escape. He sweltered in the heat of the afternoon. The King leaned forward.

“Well? Nothing to say? Would you prefer we get it over with? You can go with my men right now if you prefer to avoid an hour of unhappiness!”

Trickster stood up straight and looked the King directly in the eye. “No thank you, your flatulence!” At the insult, a soldier struck Trickster in the back of the knees, driving him to the floor. Trickster struggled back to his feet, and again faced the King.

The Prediction

“You asked me for a prediction, here is my prediction. I predict either you will sentence me to Death, or you will release me immediately, give me as much gold as myself and six maidens can carry, and furthermore give over to me the following six women as my wives. That will be your ‘punishment’.” Trickster then read the names of six women to the court. There was silence, then a roar of laughter.

“That’s no prediction!” said the King. “Take him away and flog him to death for his lack of respect. Be sure to take your time about it. And since he is so attached to the women of our country, have those six women throw salt on his back. I have spoken.” At this, the soldiers seized Trickster.

“Wait!” shouted Trickster. “If you flog me to death my prediction will come true. You will have sentenced me to death! And you said you would not sentence me to death if my prediction were to be true!” The soldiers did not pause, and the King turned to another matter. “What’s the matter?” Screamed Trickster. “Where is the vaunted Honesty of the Samoleans?” At this final insult, the King looked up and raised his hand. The soldiers paused.

“Very well,” said the King balefully, “flog him as I said, but do not let him die. Flog him daily, but see to it he lives.” He turned, but Trickster was ready with his response. “No, if you flog me my prediction was surely false, and you promised to execute me if my prediction turned out to be false within the hour!”

The King considered this twist. As he deliberated, a functionary whispered in his ear. “Aha!” Yelled the King. “Take him away! I will adjourn this court until tomorrow!” “With all due respect, I fear not!” retorted Trickster. “You promised to rule within the hour!”

The Final Verdict

Well, they argued back and forth until the hour was nearly up.

Finally, the King relented. “You are a Trickster, but clearly you are a powerful logician and I have learned that knowledge and power can be found in the most unlikely places, not just in books. In reward, I shall suspend your death sentence and provide you with gold and the six maidens. But be careful not to return to my land, for I may discover a new methods of logic and I would consider it a pleasure to try them on your case.”

And so it was that Trickster departed the land of the Samoleans with gold and six comely maidens.  ¶ 9:12 AM